It's Been a While

I haven't posted in a while, just because I've had nothing good to say.
I had nothing good to say, because my best friend betrayed me, I realized something I had been disillusioned about forever, I miss my dad, and a missionary in Pocatello died and I was so angry and sad all at the same time because I love all those missionaries so MUCH.
I have found it to be true that it's gonna get bad before it gets better.
I have spent SO LONG just wishing for what might've been. It's made me miserable....
I have thought many times that I'm ready to move on, but the truth is, that was me lying to myself.

For reals though, I'm moving on. It hurts of course, it's not easy, but it's finally time and I feel ready to commit. I actually want to. I don't long for the past anymore. Most importantly, I've forgiven myself for messing up.

I'm more aware of my surroundings, rather than every sight being haunted by the past. Every place, song, experience used to remind me of someone that's dead to me. He's not the same person I loved, and he's not the same person that loved me. It took me A YEAR to figure out that's why we don't get  along anymore. Because he's not there.

There's an old pop song by Kate Voegle that says "I'm still in love with who I wish you were." That is SO PERFECT to explain what I went through for the last year. It's true. I really will always love that person. I would do anything for that person and he may be still there deep inside, but he's not resurfacing. Ever. And I don't get to be the reason for smiles, or laughs, or anything of his anymore. And that's fine. It's really okay now, finally.

Instead of regretting the memories, now I can see the present, and the potential of the future, and I honestly can't remember the last time I felt that way.

No one even follows my blog or comments, but I always feel accomplished after I post. As a result of me being hurt over and over, I get private about my feelings. It's a great accomplishment for me to post things publicly so close to my heart. It feels great.

I have to talk about my girls. I'm a Resident Assistant this year at the dorms in BYU, and at first it was lonely. I have my own living space, so I'm by myself a lot. Also, since something painful came between me and my closest friend here, I have no one to hang out with. Whenever I'm alone, I'm reminded that she's gone. It stings.

So, I've made an effort to not think about the sting. When it comes, I push it straight out of my mind. I've started to bond with the new freshies on my floor. I love that they love me. I thought they were going to hate me for being the boss, and the rule enforcer, and the frumpy one, but they love me and think of me as a big sister. They think I'm funny, and always tell me how pretty I am, and how kind I am, and how aware of everyone I am. I love when people notice the things I take pride in.

I hang out with them all the time, and they love hearing my stories about high school and last year and all my craziness, and they die of laughter. I forgot how funny my life was, and how rich it was before I became depressed. Like I said, it feels amazing to be moving on. Like I am just getting air after being underwater for almost a year.

I'm not quite happy yet, but I'm on my way and I'm hopeful.

I went on the perfect run today, got a 100% on a quiz, ate fried zuchinni, and talked to my mom, and that's enough for me.

I met a girl who has Lupus which is a terrible immune disease. She is beautiful, kind, and doesn't tell anyone she has it, because she wants to be treated the same as before. I admire her so much, and she makes my old pity party look so dumb. Because she is so happy. I just wanted to throw that out there, that someone really could have it worse. That doesn't make what you're going through go away, but still just let your mind be open to that perspective. She's part of the reason I want to be happy and she's made me realize what time I've wasted. I knew we were meant to be friends when I met her and she is just the best. I love seeing God's hand in my life.

I never believed this, but Alma in the Book of Mormon says we find happiness through serving others. I thought that was BS because I served people and thought of them all the time, and got nothing.

I have finally found that principle to be real in the last month or so. Seeing the girls learn from me, or appreciate the advice I give them, and watching them grow just in this last month has given me so much joy. It has been the source of my happiness to know that I am impacting so many people.

I'm also doing an adopt a grandparent program, and wouldn't want to spend my time any other way.

When I think of Pocatello, I think about high school, and running, and Tim McGraw, and Rascal Flatts, and rollerskating, and uptight Sunday dinners, and my blue bedroom, and the holt arena, and trying too hard to fix messes, and the F word, and being yelled at, and disappointment, and falling in love, and writing letters and letters and letters, and crying, and lies, and the library, and sweet kisses, and stolen kisses, and snow, and autumn, and the cemetery, and swimming, and my southern bell grandma, and driving my red car, and my yellow bike, and singing in church, and the smell of Satterfield in the summertime.

I don't want any of that right now. I'll see home soon enough. For now, I get to think of football games, and running free, and writing happy letters, and studying literature again, and autumn, and snow, and going to one of the best universities in the country. And I get to see the temple lit up at night when I'm running and it's one of my favorite things.

We dream about the deepest desires and wishes of our hearts. I remember all my dreams from this week, and they weren't movies of the past like they usually are. I dreamt of running on the blue track, not the black, and I dreamt of India, and I dreamt of blissful places.

Now that I've changed, I wish I had figured out how to a long time ago.

XOXOXOOXOXOOXOXOOXOXO
Lake

P.S. A special shout out to Hailey for inspiring me to write again
Her blog is really awesome and I wish mine was as awesome as hers.
IDK she's just been through a lot and has wisdom past her age
http://sayitanywayy.blogspot.com

Reflection

I've spent some times being unhappy with what my life is.
But as I reflect on the past year since I graduated, I'm actually happy with what I've accomplished.
Sometimes you just need to see the big picture and realize that when someone tells you it's all gonna be okay, he's right.

xoxo
loves
lake

A Word About Love

Once upon a time, I had a best friend named Miranda.
We just had a really special bond.
We aren't really friends anymore, and it's really stupid. I seriously don't think either of us could say why. We are both really stubborn. But, she will always have a special place in my heart.

One year at girl's camp, we wrote out our ten types of love.
Haha it was really cheesy, something like puppy love, best friend love, used love, and unrequitted love? Is that a word? Not sure.. I guess we thought we had life figured out at 15. Dude we weren't even 'legally' allowed to date. Lolz

It's really weird how fast time flies, because she's getting married in a couple months.
Her thoughts on love have probably evolved since we were naive high schoolers who actually thought we weren't naive and had tons of experience and were soooo smart and you get the picture. And then there's me and my millions of cats.

Anyway, I've decided that instead of types of love, there seems to be just stages of love- or times where one experiences love. Each experience kind of leads you to your own understanding of the meaning of love, and why everyone is always searching for it. I don't know the true definition of the huge word 'love' yet but this is what I do know.

I love running and my memories of my team in high school. I miss it a lot and my heart aches for it some days.

I love when it rains, but doesn't storm and it is just peaceful

I love my cats (duh)

I love the friendships I made at school this past year. I miss Amber Britt and Kenz so much everyday.

I love God.

I love my family.

I love driving with my sunroof open and listening to a good song.

I love playing the piano when no one is around.

And recently, I wanted to give up on someone I loved. People tend to fail me when I love them, I'm not really sure why. But for some reason, this time they decided to come back and it's nice to have something to believe in and hope for.

I know that love is when you put someone else's happiness before yours- without even realizing it.

So, yesterday I decided I also love

.....eating dinner late, running too early, being okay with changing my mind, and for the first time in years, something working out that I really truly wanted. I forgot how great that feels. I LOVE IT :)

Well here's a little update on my life

I've been having a lot of weak moments lately. This was one.

We almost had a gas explosion at my mom's a few days ago so we had to sit in the backyard while it aired out. You would think people would TURN OFF THE GAS when they finish cooking. So we lived the chill life for a few hours this afternoon

This is my roomie Ashbee who I freaking miss and SHE GOT ENGAGED TO MR. BRADY THOMPSON 2 NIGHTS AGO!

I sit by myself at Sunday School or hide in the bathroom. I wish I was going to Krispy Kreme instead :( 

This is my Dad's girlfriend's cat that loves me so I kind of took him in as my son. His name is Monkey 

And I still work at Sonic...... me & Kenna are trying to figure out why hot girls work fast food

That's all folks
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoX394587
lake

Change

WOW.
I moved home!
And I haven't blogged in what feels like forever.
So many things here are the same. Like the stupid pot holes that will never get fixed, the indecisive weather, Sonic Drive-In, and the track. But a lot of things are different, too, and it's hard for me.

I don't really handle change well, so this has been a difficult adjustment. Every 5 seconds I feel like I need to call Kensington and tell her something completely irrelevant to her life, like how I made brownies yesterday that expired in 2009, and I tanned in the backyard yesterday, and her boyfriend's favorite song was on the radio haha. I want Amber to do my freaking makeup (she's a beauty queen pretty much). And I want Brittani to tell me something to snap my head back on straight (she's very reasonable haha).

And here, I used to love going to my ward to see all my friends, but now that those friends are not my friends anymore, it was really hard yesterday.

Oh- I've also become the official laziest person ever. I now understand why everyone loves Netflix! Even though my social life sucks, at least I can live vicariously through the people of Tree Hill. I think I have watched more TV/movies in the past week than in the past year total. So, I get up at like noon, go running at some point, take a shower, and then I watch TV. Haha it's so weird for me, but I guess it's also kind of nice.

A couple weeks ago, I didn't want to come home at all since it meant facing the loose ends of relationships with various people that were never tied up...and some of those people don't even care. Well, all I know is that life goes on, and that at some point, I'll feel okay.

Something strange to me is that although I feel out of place right now, I can't really think of anywhere else that would make me feel in place.

And also, how can you feel like you finally made a little progress in resolving something, and then realize that it's just worse? I've learned that sometimes you just have to pretend it's okay and deal with it later.

I never thought my only friends would be my dad and his girlfriend Marcie, Marcie's son's girlfriend Tasia (we watch One Tree Hill together), and Marcie's cat Monkey that sleeps with me every night and comes on car rides.

Oh the dramas of being an 18 year old girl

Well whatever you only get to be at this place in your life once, right? :)

Loves
Lake  :)

Home

I went home this past week.
I did the younger part of my growing up in California, but my pre-teen and teenage years were in Pocatello, Idaho, and that place is my home.
I'm not exactly sure why I decided to go, but it amazes me how much the memories take me over when I go there.
Driving in I see my middle school, and I am reminded of running the mile 7:31 in 8th grade, being so proud.
I get off the exit and remember all the mornings I drove to seminary staying at my dad's house half of junior year.
I drive by the gas station and can see myself stepping off the shuttle last semester and being welcomed with so much love.
Up Olympus I picture the hundreds of times that I have run up that hill, the good days and the bad.
I pass the neighborhood of Sun Valley Way where two of my best friends lived in high school.
My grandma's house on Golden Gate reminds me of all our long talks about growing up in her southern life, and my Idaho life..surprisingly we have a lot in common.
Highland High School will always look exactly the same. I can see me and my team, I can see speeding back from Taco Bell at lunch, I can see myself in the halls smiling at the boys, I can see being walked home my freshman year by my best friend, I can see riding my yellow bike.
I drive further down past the soccer fields, past the road of a boy I loved.
I drive past Hiskey where we first lived, and can see my family being taught by missionaries.
I see the dirt road, my favorite place to run.
I see me and my mom walking up it Sunday evening with our fat cats panting to keep up with us.
I see Gary Street and remember how awesome it is that the lead singer of my favorite band has the same name as my home.
I see so many kids playing outside, they always are.
I see the grass ditch, where everyone hangs out no matter how old you are.
I see my 13 year old self riding my bike down it, I see myself 15 year old self crying at night there, I see myself lying there the night before I moved never wanting to leave.
I see the home of the grumpy, old Mr. Thomas who thinks I am eternally a slut and a bad example to the neighborhood.
I see my front yard and remember all the otter pops I ate there, and lying there after church underneath the trees.
I see my old car and am reminded of how much I hated that thing, but how many fun times it let me have.
I see that driveway where I have said goodbye and ended so many chapters of my life.
I walk in and it smells the same. Everything is the same. We have animals everywhere, the kitchen is a mess, Bailey comes running into my arms, Sidney is too busy talking to her boyfriends to notice me, I hear my mom say is my baby home?
I know all these roads, all these memories so well.
Pocatello life really doesn't change. People will always be playing soccer on those fields, those families will always stay in those same houses, their kids will marry people they've known since grade school, their mothers and sisters are on the high school wall for prom queen, their brothers and fathers on the wall for basketball and golf. People will go to the Highland football game on Friday night at the Holt, watch movies in their basements, and swim at Ross park.

I have loved and missed this lifestyle.
But one thing I have realized is that I can't live here forever. & I am glad I left, because I have become someone I never could have if I stayed.
I am happy to get a few more carefree months in Pocatello this summer before my real life starts, and now that I have grown up a little, I just hope I can appreciate the time I have left there more than I did in high school.
Happy conference Saturday
Loves
Lake

Something Strange

Something strange was the realization I had today.
We learn so many lessons in this life, but I guess some just have to be learned more than once.
I once really loved someone! Or thought so, at least. I would do anything for this person. I loved this person because they helped me love myself. After this person was gone, though, I thought that I just couldn't be happy without them. So I let myself be sad.
I eventually realized this person was never coming back. He's not the same as he was back then, and I definitely am not the same as I was back then. I basically keep this person in my heart as a fond memory of growing up- a special time in my life.
Most importantly, I promised myself I would never think I needed someone to be happy again.

Well, today I was reflecting on the lessons I learned with this person, since I heard some news about them and was reminded (When you're from a small town, you just always know what's going on with the people who live there).
It hit me pretty hard that I hadn't even really noticed that I had done it again! I tried to deny it, and think to myself that this time it's different. The only thing that is different is the person, time and place. It's still the same thing....I'm letting someone else impact my happiness.

It really lifts a weight off my chest to realize that I don't need this person at all. I was fine without them before I knew them, so can't I learn to be okay where I am now, too? And not just okay, but happy?

Yes I can :)

Xoxo
-Lake

p.s. only a month left of school! Bittersweet

Beauty

These last few days have been beautiful in so many ways!
First of all, it has been super sunny.
I've driven with my sun roof open everyday! (My favorite part of my new car)

Sunday afternoon me and Kensington went to pick up Amber from the airport. Somehow...we went to the wrong airport. That would be typical of two blondes but we are actually smart! And who knew SLC had two airports?!?! Anyway....

Yesterday I went to the temple!

IN MY CAR!!! I love it so much

What a beautiful place of peace and serenity.

Add caption

Afterward me, Kenz, Britt, and our friend Solomon took a little adventure trip to Walmart. All school year I have really wanted pet fish, but just never got the chance to get any! Well last night we finally did! It's against the rules but oh well, what are they going to do, kick me out for having goldfish in my room?

hahahaha kenz

!!!!

Their names are....

Fergie (mine)
Cinderelly (Kensington's)
Blackbeard (haha that's Amber's it's really ugly)
no name (britt)
no name #2 (solomon)
...haha we'll name those last 2 later

Just a thought for the day.....
How can we make an important choice, when our mind tells us one thing, and our heart tells us another? My mind says that one way is the right and rational thing to do, but my heart says to do what I love. When someone comes up with a good answer to that question, you better let the world know because you're gonna be FAMOUS!

A scripture I loved today

Jacob 4:7
"Nevertheless, the Lord God showeth us our weakness that we may know that it is by his grace, and his great condescensions unto the children of men, that we have power to do these things."

SOME THINGS I LOVE
Brittani
Kensington
Amber
The temple
Kenny Chesney
& Easter mini cadburry eggs

Welp that's all folks!

LOVES
~Lake~

Which Path?

"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
"I don't much care where--" said Alice.
"Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat.

I sure wish I knew where I wanted to be.
Sure I'm only 18 years old, but I feel like I have a lot more years of experiences under me.
Every move I make, I think back to all I've done and the places I've been.
Some of them haunt me.
But some of them, some of those places I just want back. When I think about it harder, what I really want is to be happy with whatever I decide.
I have no idea how to do that

Decisions, decisions.....all part of growing up! 

“Growing apart doesn't change the fact that for a long time we grew side by side; our roots will always be tangled. I'm glad for that.” 
― Ally Condie, Matched

I'm glad for all those who grew with me

I at least know of one place I'm going for sure

Loves

Lake

Ghost

ONLY IN IDAHO

I am way behind on blogging! I want to mention some events :)

LAST WEEKEND

Last weekend was sooo much fun!! Lacey came to visit me. We sang and played on the guitar, ate tons of food, sang some more, ate some more, haha, She is leaving for China in just a couple days I cannot believe it. She will do great at teaching English! 

SIERRA

Sierra is one of my favorite people ever. We always talk about missing home, and summertime, but  we have so much fun together even in Provo, so maybe we will make it through! Our favorite thing to do is eat food and gossip about Pocatello life. I should probably get some new friends since all I do with all my friends is eat!! #fatgirlsforlife

MY BIRTHDAY

I HAVE THE BEST FRIENDS IN PROVO. Amber and her boyfriend Mckay threw me a surprise party! It was at this little kid's play place, which sounds kind of lame, but it was so fun. There was a skating rink (my favorite), ice cream, pizza, my own party table, bounce houses, everything! And Amber's sister made my favorite kind of cake! It was probably one of my favorite birthdays.

VALENTINE'S DAY

So, the nicest guy gave me all these roses and balloons, like at different times throughout the night, and asked me to be his valentine the day before, and then made me dinner! I've just had a week full of kind people! I wasn't alone on Valentine's day after all.
We watched Wall-E and I fell in love it was so good. I just love kid movies 

BUT LET'S GET TO THE POINT. 

My dear friend Brittani got some $300 flower arrangement from a secret admirer! We figured out who nomad was eventually, but let's just say this was the highlight of everyone's day :) seriously tho

 #bruisedlipbritt

COMING HOME

I love this place, but it's haunted without you
Seriously.

...It still has been the most beautiful weekend that it possibly could have. God has been smiling down on me. I almost got killed on the way home by my driver (something sally would say), but hey it's okay. 

I open up my birthday gift from my mom, and what happens?

I GOT CAR KEYS?

IS THIS REAL LIFE.

Yup, sure is!!!

makin a trip to my old stomping grounds

THE TREE

So.......that one time me and Lacey got in a car wreck and took a tree down?

Long story short, the owner of the house with that tree was... angry. 

I drove by today and started laughing hysterically, because even though we uprooted that tree, the owner thinks it's going to survive for some reason, and has it all propped up and tied with a rope!
We ripped that tree straight out of the ground. IT AIN'T GONNA LIVE.

HAHAHAH so funny

THE WALKING DEAD

WHY DO PEOPLE WATCH THIS SHOW. It is beyond creepy. But slightly addictive? I watched it for the first time with some friends at my dad's house, and supposedly that place is haunted. I had to sleep there all.alone.in.the.dark. Anyway I kind of hate The Walking Dead but like it. All I know is that whoever made it up is a whackjob!!!

GHOST

Probably my new favorite movie.

Sometimes I feel like I have a ghost too, but he's not even dead. I hurts. I can't imagine how bad this would hurt.

This movie about dead people wasn't scary like The Walking Dead, it was actually really great. I've always loved Patrick Swaze so I'm not sure why I waited until now to see this movie! Anyway, it was just so hard to watch someone try to get over their loved one who died. Especially when she could still feel him so much.

This scene hurt the most, because saying goodbye is so painful when you know it's really forever this time.

But I know I'll be okay too, someday!!!

Loves

Lake

The Secret Garden

There's a book I love called The Secret Garden. It's about this little girl who makes the transformation from bitter to finding the sweet in life. The garden in the book is something that was locked away. It stirred up too many feelings, stories, memories...but the beautiful part is that it was able to start new! The garden that seemed wasted away became beautiful once again.
The little girl and the garden sort of transformed and grew together.

Yesterday I cut my hair. Which never happens. That was weird. I kind of hated it at first but I guess I like it now.

Today was a GORGEOUS DAY. I wanted to run forever and ever! Felt like spring.

I don't think a hair cut, or one good day really defines a life. But I definitely think that it can change an attitude. My hair makes me feel like I don't have to be the same person I was yesterday. That's always true, but I guess it just reminded me. One good run can't get you back in shape...but it can lead to falling in love with it enough to find motivation to begin again. Remind you why you loved it in the first place.

I think I can be like the little girl or the garden. I just need to stop being afraid of restarting. One thing my hair cut made me realize is that what seemed like such a big decision before it happened really wasn't a huge deal. I was fine afterward! So there's no need to be afraid of beginning again, of doing something different...I'll be okay

I wanted to post a pic of my new bangs...who am I kidding I mostly wanted a picture of my 7 year old Rascal Flatts concert t-shirt and my 13 year old dream catcher

Today I ate dinner with my friend Sierra Naumu and that made me SO HAPPY! I'm so glad to have her here in Provo!

In other news....

SONG OF THE DAY

I've loved Rascal Flatts for so long. This is one of my favorite songs. It really hit me in a different way when I listened to it a couple days ago.

The video is a little cheesy but hey it was at the beginning of their career! And I don't care I'll always love Gary, Joe Don, and Jay #RFfan4lyfe

I've realized that I've kind of hung on to an old life that isn't mine anymore. I love the line "I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong." Because it's true. I didn't dream that, but home is better as just a memory right now

I'm movin' on
At last I can see
Life has been patiently waiting for me
& I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind
That those days are gone


So here I am... I've made up my mind

loves
lake

From the Heart

Because Britt's blog inspired me....

Dear BYU,
I'm not so sure I'm cut out to be here.

Dear Astronomy test,
I've never failed a test before so you take the prize!

Dear Dad,
I'm sorry our niners lost. I thought of you the whole game. We'll be back next year baby :) I miss you and days like this.

Dear Mom,
I miss you. Too bad you're not into electronics because maybe you would learn how to work your iphone and could then read my blog :)

Dear Home,
I'm scared to see you. I'm not sure that you're the same home I remember. I wish I could keep you the same home that I know, but time never stops ticking. In the words of Rascal Flatts, "I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong." I'm not so sure where I'm headed next in life. But Home, I think when we meet again I will finally know.

Dear Stupid Hoe,
I don't really think you're a stupid hoe, but Nicki Minaj says it well and sometimes I feel better for a second when I let myself be mad at you. I know you have feelings just as much as I do and I'm sorry. Honestly, I wish this didn't have to cost us our friendship. Sometimes I feel like you're a stupid hoe and you probably don't realize how much you impact me from miles away. Stupid Hoe, I hope we figure things out someday soon

Dear AKB,
I love you three dearly. KENZ I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE GOING TO LONDON ON STUDY ABROAD IN THE FALL! Amber, I can't wait for you to join the blondetourage at the hairstylist's on wednesday! and Britt, we are gonna have so much fun at Sleeping Beauty :) If I don't come back in the fall, I want you three to know that you turned my college experience from living hell into something actually pretty great.

Dear Abigail,
I wish we were still friends. We had some great times at girl's camp, jensen's grove, the rodeo, baseball games, biology class...I still haven't forgotten. I'll always love you! I'm so happy you found true love in your life. Maybe our paths will cross again someday.

Dear Abigail's brother,
I can barely recognize you these days. It's okay because you're better as a memory. Thank you for showing me 3 big things: faith, a family who loves each other, and how to enjoy the moment. I've passed those things on to some others, even if me and you shared them a long time ago, they're lessons that stayed with me.

Dear best friend of 6 years,
I miss you so much. You were always there to lean on. You saw it all! You were one thing that I knew how to succeed at. One I could trust. You molded me to who I am today. And now I still have you, but we're drifting apart. It gets harder to stay committed to you everyday. I wonder if we can ever be as close as we once were again. #keeprunning

Dear Fast Cars and Freedom,
Someday we'll know why it has to be this way.

Dear God,
I can feel your love stronger in these last few days than I have in a while, and it gives me hope


loves
<3 Lake

Dying for Sunshine

....UNTIL TODAY! Today is beautiful, sunny, blue skies....it feels great. If only it was about 25 degrees warmer. I have to admit, wishing just leads to more wishing. I wished and wished for warmer weather, and here it is! But now I just wish it were even better. In high school, I would wish for a good race, and when I raced well I was always disappointed after and wished I had ran harder. I wish and wish that I could make some tips at work, but then once I do, I think I deserve even more.

But isn't that life? We are dying to get something, and once we do it's just not enough. We think, "once I get to this point, I will finally be satisfied." The truth is we never are. At least, I'm not. I just want summertime, I just want my decisions to be made, I just want to finally get through this test. I just want him back, I just want my old life again. I KNOW that the second time around, I would be better, it would be different. Truth is, that's never going to happen. Ever. We can't get what's past back. No matter what it is! The key is enjoying what we have right in this moment. If we can do that, we won't long for the past or the future. "Now" is a precious gift. And I know that I and others need to take the time to appreciate that gift better

SOME THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR now

The Sunshine

Sun changes my mood and makes it better, I swear. It's just the best. Sunshine is happiness

WE ARE THE BLONDTOURAGE

Haha I love Kensington. Just remember, she is from "Chicaaaago." I love her so much! and all my girls :)

SONG OF THE DAY

There's just more important things in this life than what it always seems

~loves
...Lake

Waking Up

Today, I went on the best run I've had in a long time. It was raining and I wanted to go forever. Runs like these are what make me love it. A song I haven't heard in a while came on while I ran, and I truly understand what it means to say hello to the world once again.

 Today was like waking up

Loves
...-Lake-...

A Word We Say

Perfectly said

Hate is a strong word

People think hell, damn, shit, are curse words?

I think hate is my curse word.

Hatred is a painful emotion...

So why in the world would we let ourselves go through pain, by feeling hatred?

Isn't it our choice to love or hate?

But it's easier said than done to always love.

If there was anything I could remove from this world, hatred would be it

It skews judgments, and it feeds other emotional pain...like jealousy, anger, and resentment                   

I’m not perfect

Even though I’ve told people I’ve hated them, or acted out on it,

I know it’s wrong and I try to be better each day.

I know one can never take back how they hurt someone through hate

Through words and actions too.

But I do believe in forgiveness

And I hope that people can find it in their hearts to forgive those who have done them wrong.

It’s pointless to live holding onto a wrong that someone has done unto you

Love and forgiveness are the keys to happiness I think.

RAEGAN

Raegan is one of my most treasured friends. You can tell I love her by how cheesy my smile is in this picture! She is the best example of love no matter what. She never says a bad word about anyone.  I miss her a lot, and when I think of people I want to be like I think of her.

It’s really cute because our little sisters are best friends now. Hopefully they go on to high school and run cross country together, too! If you’re reading this, I love you Raegan (and Kennedy her little sis)! 

Something that makes me smile...

Loves~

...-Lake-...

Martin Luther King Jr. Day

This has always been one of my favorite holidays. Since elementary school, MLK has been a big focus around this time of year. At our schools we learned a lot about him, and as far as I was concerned at a young age, MLK was the civil rights movement. I just love him and I wish he was alive so I could meet him someday, or hear him speak about those days.

Tonight at BYU, me and my friend Jared went to the bell tower candle ceremony and walk with candles in remembrance of MLK. It was inspirational. Then we heard a speaker and some choirs and it was just a great night.

my candle "Just need one"

me and Jared's candles. lol his cup caught on fire so he had to go solo with his candle!

a bunch of candles

so awesome!

 Although I'm not African American, I'm still grateful that I don't have to watch my fellow people go through what they did prior to the civil rights movement. It would eat me alive to watch innocent people go through what they did... although today has its own struggles, we are fortunate we no longer live in a society and day of that age. I seriously honor Martin Luther King Jr's name.



P.S.....

SO YUMMY I even have a meal plan and this is my favorite meal hahaha

 And an LOL for the day:

sounds like the words of an RM

These Days

I love the three day weekend!!!!
I can actually clean my room and get some sleep.
I saw Les Mis last night, and I loved it!
So what am I doing these days?
Just the same old.
This song has been my favorite song of ALL SONGS for as long as I can remember.
Back when Gary LeVox was really in his prime haha :)
 I thought we were getting married when I grew up, even though he has two kids.
It's the best song Rascal Flatts ever did make, probably tied with Fast Cars and Freedom.
I haven't listened to it for a while, and today as soon as I turned on the radio it came on.
It really is what I'm doing these days

Thankful

So, my song of the day!....makes me want SUMMER.SO.BAD. I love the video. 

Anyway....Today I thank God for the gift of music. And I love Jake Owen.

I forgot until I played the piano tonight how beautiful it really is and how it heals.

On a lighter note, I'm also thanking God for Ryan Gosling and his "Hey Girl" memes

hahaha yup

MY FRIENDS
I'm so thankful for my friends Brittani Kensington and Amber! We had a sleepover the last like 4 nights. Provo would not be bearable without them! We've done some fun things lately.... like eat, watch The House Bunny (seriously the best movie, and shelley's bod inspires me to work out more haha), eat, go to class, listen to Les Mis and Beyonce, eat, go to church, eat....yeah that's about it! 

possibly the ugliest pic known to mankind of me but it's okay because i love them :) this is kenz and amber

A TRIBUTE TO CARRIE MAE (The House Bunny) 

Carrie Mae: 1. The only magic I ever did was try to figure out how to stay in college for nine years and not go back to my trailer park in Idaho.

2. Do you guys know where the crapper is? I have to drop some timber. 

3. Do you guys know where the crapper is? I have to do a *very mysterious* thing in there... 
[whispers] 
...Drop some timber. 

I LOVE HER

loves ...-lake-...

HOLLA NEW SEMESTER

MY ATTITUDE FOR THE DAY:

I just absolutely love everything about this

It's only day 2 of my second semester at school, and all I can say is WOWWWEEE. If this was the first couple days of last semester, I would most likely have a nervous break down!

A couple cool things....

My new religion class, the first half of the Book of Mormon- is going to be A TON of work. I think I will get a lot out of it. But aside from all the papers we have to write, and all the reading we have to do- we also have to read three books written about the Book of Mormon from church authorities! Who knows if you can hash tag in blogs buuut... #goingtodie

Next, my astronomy class. Yes I'm taking astronomy. And yes it's freaking cool. I had my mind blown just in the first day. And, to top it all off, my professor is PROFESSOR MOODY. I have been a Harry Potter reader since I was born, just kidding since like first grade when they came out. I have been a book nerd forever since I started reading when I was three. I read the bible in like third grade haha. Anyway how cool that my astronomy professor of all classes has a name like that?!

A tribute to Mad-Eye #RIPHP

Besides that, school is the same old. I love BYU the actual school, but living in Provo is hard for me. I'm trying something new, and keeping a gratitude journal this semester! It was my friend Kenna Lee's idea. She is da best.

"It's a great day to be alive" #countrymusic

SONG OF THE DAY

This is from the movie "Dear John." That movie is way too sad for me, but I love this song.

And here are some pictures. I got to be a model for a photographer here in Provo and it was so fun! Her business is called "One Take Photography" if you wanted to know.

Got sick of smiling haha

BYE NOW! 

Loves

and Luh

...-Lake-...