Home

I went home this past week.
I did the younger part of my growing up in California, but my pre-teen and teenage years were in Pocatello, Idaho, and that place is my home.
I'm not exactly sure why I decided to go, but it amazes me how much the memories take me over when I go there.
Driving in I see my middle school, and I am reminded of running the mile 7:31 in 8th grade, being so proud.
I get off the exit and remember all the mornings I drove to seminary staying at my dad's house half of junior year.
I drive by the gas station and can see myself stepping off the shuttle last semester and being welcomed with so much love.
Up Olympus I picture the hundreds of times that I have run up that hill, the good days and the bad.
I pass the neighborhood of Sun Valley Way where two of my best friends lived in high school.
My grandma's house on Golden Gate reminds me of all our long talks about growing up in her southern life, and my Idaho life..surprisingly we have a lot in common.
Highland High School will always look exactly the same. I can see me and my team, I can see speeding back from Taco Bell at lunch, I can see myself in the halls smiling at the boys, I can see being walked home my freshman year by my best friend, I can see riding my yellow bike.
I drive further down past the soccer fields, past the road of a boy I loved.
I drive past Hiskey where we first lived, and can see my family being taught by missionaries.
I see the dirt road, my favorite place to run.
I see me and my mom walking up it Sunday evening with our fat cats panting to keep up with us.
I see Gary Street and remember how awesome it is that the lead singer of my favorite band has the same name as my home.
I see so many kids playing outside, they always are.
I see the grass ditch, where everyone hangs out no matter how old you are.
I see my 13 year old self riding my bike down it, I see myself 15 year old self crying at night there, I see myself lying there the night before I moved never wanting to leave.
I see the home of the grumpy, old Mr. Thomas who thinks I am eternally a slut and a bad example to the neighborhood.
I see my front yard and remember all the otter pops I ate there, and lying there after church underneath the trees.
I see my old car and am reminded of how much I hated that thing, but how many fun times it let me have.
I see that driveway where I have said goodbye and ended so many chapters of my life.
I walk in and it smells the same. Everything is the same. We have animals everywhere, the kitchen is a mess, Bailey comes running into my arms, Sidney is too busy talking to her boyfriends to notice me, I hear my mom say is my baby home?
I know all these roads, all these memories so well.
Pocatello life really doesn't change. People will always be playing soccer on those fields, those families will always stay in those same houses, their kids will marry people they've known since grade school, their mothers and sisters are on the high school wall for prom queen, their brothers and fathers on the wall for basketball and golf. People will go to the Highland football game on Friday night at the Holt, watch movies in their basements, and swim at Ross park.

I have loved and missed this lifestyle.
But one thing I have realized is that I can't live here forever. & I am glad I left, because I have become someone I never could have if I stayed.
I am happy to get a few more carefree months in Pocatello this summer before my real life starts, and now that I have grown up a little, I just hope I can appreciate the time I have left there more than I did in high school.
Happy conference Saturday
Loves
Lake

Something Strange

Something strange was the realization I had today.
We learn so many lessons in this life, but I guess some just have to be learned more than once.
I once really loved someone! Or thought so, at least. I would do anything for this person. I loved this person because they helped me love myself. After this person was gone, though, I thought that I just couldn't be happy without them. So I let myself be sad.
I eventually realized this person was never coming back. He's not the same as he was back then, and I definitely am not the same as I was back then. I basically keep this person in my heart as a fond memory of growing up- a special time in my life.
Most importantly, I promised myself I would never think I needed someone to be happy again.

Well, today I was reflecting on the lessons I learned with this person, since I heard some news about them and was reminded (When you're from a small town, you just always know what's going on with the people who live there).
It hit me pretty hard that I hadn't even really noticed that I had done it again! I tried to deny it, and think to myself that this time it's different. The only thing that is different is the person, time and place. It's still the same thing....I'm letting someone else impact my happiness.

It really lifts a weight off my chest to realize that I don't need this person at all. I was fine without them before I knew them, so can't I learn to be okay where I am now, too? And not just okay, but happy?

Yes I can :)

Xoxo
-Lake

p.s. only a month left of school! Bittersweet

Beauty

These last few days have been beautiful in so many ways!
First of all, it has been super sunny.
I've driven with my sun roof open everyday! (My favorite part of my new car)

Sunday afternoon me and Kensington went to pick up Amber from the airport. Somehow...we went to the wrong airport. That would be typical of two blondes but we are actually smart! And who knew SLC had two airports?!?! Anyway....

Yesterday I went to the temple!

IN MY CAR!!! I love it so much

What a beautiful place of peace and serenity.

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Afterward me, Kenz, Britt, and our friend Solomon took a little adventure trip to Walmart. All school year I have really wanted pet fish, but just never got the chance to get any! Well last night we finally did! It's against the rules but oh well, what are they going to do, kick me out for having goldfish in my room?

hahahaha kenz

!!!!

Their names are....

Fergie (mine)
Cinderelly (Kensington's)
Blackbeard (haha that's Amber's it's really ugly)
no name (britt)
no name #2 (solomon)
...haha we'll name those last 2 later

Just a thought for the day.....
How can we make an important choice, when our mind tells us one thing, and our heart tells us another? My mind says that one way is the right and rational thing to do, but my heart says to do what I love. When someone comes up with a good answer to that question, you better let the world know because you're gonna be FAMOUS!

A scripture I loved today

Jacob 4:7
"Nevertheless, the Lord God showeth us our weakness that we may know that it is by his grace, and his great condescensions unto the children of men, that we have power to do these things."

SOME THINGS I LOVE
Brittani
Kensington
Amber
The temple
Kenny Chesney
& Easter mini cadburry eggs

Welp that's all folks!

LOVES
~Lake~

Which Path?

"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
"I don't much care where--" said Alice.
"Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat.

I sure wish I knew where I wanted to be.
Sure I'm only 18 years old, but I feel like I have a lot more years of experiences under me.
Every move I make, I think back to all I've done and the places I've been.
Some of them haunt me.
But some of them, some of those places I just want back. When I think about it harder, what I really want is to be happy with whatever I decide.
I have no idea how to do that

Decisions, decisions.....all part of growing up! 

“Growing apart doesn't change the fact that for a long time we grew side by side; our roots will always be tangled. I'm glad for that.” 
― Ally Condie, Matched

I'm glad for all those who grew with me

I at least know of one place I'm going for sure

Loves

Lake

Ghost

ONLY IN IDAHO

I am way behind on blogging! I want to mention some events :)

LAST WEEKEND

Last weekend was sooo much fun!! Lacey came to visit me. We sang and played on the guitar, ate tons of food, sang some more, ate some more, haha, She is leaving for China in just a couple days I cannot believe it. She will do great at teaching English! 

SIERRA

Sierra is one of my favorite people ever. We always talk about missing home, and summertime, but  we have so much fun together even in Provo, so maybe we will make it through! Our favorite thing to do is eat food and gossip about Pocatello life. I should probably get some new friends since all I do with all my friends is eat!! #fatgirlsforlife

MY BIRTHDAY

I HAVE THE BEST FRIENDS IN PROVO. Amber and her boyfriend Mckay threw me a surprise party! It was at this little kid's play place, which sounds kind of lame, but it was so fun. There was a skating rink (my favorite), ice cream, pizza, my own party table, bounce houses, everything! And Amber's sister made my favorite kind of cake! It was probably one of my favorite birthdays.

VALENTINE'S DAY

So, the nicest guy gave me all these roses and balloons, like at different times throughout the night, and asked me to be his valentine the day before, and then made me dinner! I've just had a week full of kind people! I wasn't alone on Valentine's day after all.
We watched Wall-E and I fell in love it was so good. I just love kid movies 

BUT LET'S GET TO THE POINT. 

My dear friend Brittani got some $300 flower arrangement from a secret admirer! We figured out who nomad was eventually, but let's just say this was the highlight of everyone's day :) seriously tho

 #bruisedlipbritt

COMING HOME

I love this place, but it's haunted without you
Seriously.

...It still has been the most beautiful weekend that it possibly could have. God has been smiling down on me. I almost got killed on the way home by my driver (something sally would say), but hey it's okay. 

I open up my birthday gift from my mom, and what happens?

I GOT CAR KEYS?

IS THIS REAL LIFE.

Yup, sure is!!!

makin a trip to my old stomping grounds

THE TREE

So.......that one time me and Lacey got in a car wreck and took a tree down?

Long story short, the owner of the house with that tree was... angry. 

I drove by today and started laughing hysterically, because even though we uprooted that tree, the owner thinks it's going to survive for some reason, and has it all propped up and tied with a rope!
We ripped that tree straight out of the ground. IT AIN'T GONNA LIVE.

HAHAHAH so funny

THE WALKING DEAD

WHY DO PEOPLE WATCH THIS SHOW. It is beyond creepy. But slightly addictive? I watched it for the first time with some friends at my dad's house, and supposedly that place is haunted. I had to sleep there all.alone.in.the.dark. Anyway I kind of hate The Walking Dead but like it. All I know is that whoever made it up is a whackjob!!!

GHOST

Probably my new favorite movie.

Sometimes I feel like I have a ghost too, but he's not even dead. I hurts. I can't imagine how bad this would hurt.

This movie about dead people wasn't scary like The Walking Dead, it was actually really great. I've always loved Patrick Swaze so I'm not sure why I waited until now to see this movie! Anyway, it was just so hard to watch someone try to get over their loved one who died. Especially when she could still feel him so much.

This scene hurt the most, because saying goodbye is so painful when you know it's really forever this time.

But I know I'll be okay too, someday!!!

Loves

Lake

The Secret Garden

There's a book I love called The Secret Garden. It's about this little girl who makes the transformation from bitter to finding the sweet in life. The garden in the book is something that was locked away. It stirred up too many feelings, stories, memories...but the beautiful part is that it was able to start new! The garden that seemed wasted away became beautiful once again.
The little girl and the garden sort of transformed and grew together.

Yesterday I cut my hair. Which never happens. That was weird. I kind of hated it at first but I guess I like it now.

Today was a GORGEOUS DAY. I wanted to run forever and ever! Felt like spring.

I don't think a hair cut, or one good day really defines a life. But I definitely think that it can change an attitude. My hair makes me feel like I don't have to be the same person I was yesterday. That's always true, but I guess it just reminded me. One good run can't get you back in shape...but it can lead to falling in love with it enough to find motivation to begin again. Remind you why you loved it in the first place.

I think I can be like the little girl or the garden. I just need to stop being afraid of restarting. One thing my hair cut made me realize is that what seemed like such a big decision before it happened really wasn't a huge deal. I was fine afterward! So there's no need to be afraid of beginning again, of doing something different...I'll be okay

I wanted to post a pic of my new bangs...who am I kidding I mostly wanted a picture of my 7 year old Rascal Flatts concert t-shirt and my 13 year old dream catcher

Today I ate dinner with my friend Sierra Naumu and that made me SO HAPPY! I'm so glad to have her here in Provo!

In other news....

SONG OF THE DAY

I've loved Rascal Flatts for so long. This is one of my favorite songs. It really hit me in a different way when I listened to it a couple days ago.

The video is a little cheesy but hey it was at the beginning of their career! And I don't care I'll always love Gary, Joe Don, and Jay #RFfan4lyfe

I've realized that I've kind of hung on to an old life that isn't mine anymore. I love the line "I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong." Because it's true. I didn't dream that, but home is better as just a memory right now

I'm movin' on
At last I can see
Life has been patiently waiting for me
& I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind
That those days are gone


So here I am... I've made up my mind

loves
lake

From the Heart

Because Britt's blog inspired me....

Dear BYU,
I'm not so sure I'm cut out to be here.

Dear Astronomy test,
I've never failed a test before so you take the prize!

Dear Dad,
I'm sorry our niners lost. I thought of you the whole game. We'll be back next year baby :) I miss you and days like this.

Dear Mom,
I miss you. Too bad you're not into electronics because maybe you would learn how to work your iphone and could then read my blog :)

Dear Home,
I'm scared to see you. I'm not sure that you're the same home I remember. I wish I could keep you the same home that I know, but time never stops ticking. In the words of Rascal Flatts, "I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong." I'm not so sure where I'm headed next in life. But Home, I think when we meet again I will finally know.

Dear Stupid Hoe,
I don't really think you're a stupid hoe, but Nicki Minaj says it well and sometimes I feel better for a second when I let myself be mad at you. I know you have feelings just as much as I do and I'm sorry. Honestly, I wish this didn't have to cost us our friendship. Sometimes I feel like you're a stupid hoe and you probably don't realize how much you impact me from miles away. Stupid Hoe, I hope we figure things out someday soon

Dear AKB,
I love you three dearly. KENZ I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE GOING TO LONDON ON STUDY ABROAD IN THE FALL! Amber, I can't wait for you to join the blondetourage at the hairstylist's on wednesday! and Britt, we are gonna have so much fun at Sleeping Beauty :) If I don't come back in the fall, I want you three to know that you turned my college experience from living hell into something actually pretty great.

Dear Abigail,
I wish we were still friends. We had some great times at girl's camp, jensen's grove, the rodeo, baseball games, biology class...I still haven't forgotten. I'll always love you! I'm so happy you found true love in your life. Maybe our paths will cross again someday.

Dear Abigail's brother,
I can barely recognize you these days. It's okay because you're better as a memory. Thank you for showing me 3 big things: faith, a family who loves each other, and how to enjoy the moment. I've passed those things on to some others, even if me and you shared them a long time ago, they're lessons that stayed with me.

Dear best friend of 6 years,
I miss you so much. You were always there to lean on. You saw it all! You were one thing that I knew how to succeed at. One I could trust. You molded me to who I am today. And now I still have you, but we're drifting apart. It gets harder to stay committed to you everyday. I wonder if we can ever be as close as we once were again. #keeprunning

Dear Fast Cars and Freedom,
Someday we'll know why it has to be this way.

Dear God,
I can feel your love stronger in these last few days than I have in a while, and it gives me hope


loves
<3 Lake